The Legend of the Bone Crushers: a story in 60 seconds

Some tales are better left untold

“Bone crushers?” his wife asked, wiping away the sweat that had dribbled down her cheek.   

Her husband shielded the sun from his eyes and stared up at the steep, winding trail ahead. “Yep. Scary, right?”

She didn’t say anything for a moment and remained focused on the mountain before her. They’d been hiking for almost two hours in the blaring sun, and she could feel the skin on the back of her neck beginning to cook. To make matters worse, she had a nasty blister on her big toe where her foot rubbed awkwardly against her new hiking boots. And when were they going to stop to pee? Quite the start to a honeymoon…and a marriage.

“Fine, I’ll bite,” she huffed in between breaths. “What’s a bone crusher?”

“Thought you would never ask…” her husband said, grinning. He slowed his pace and walked alongside her. “According to the legend, the bone crushers are a rogue species of goat that can only be found in these mountains. They’re freakishly strong, and in order to survive out here,” he said, pointing toward the mountain’s peak, “they had to develop a unique hunting technique.” He smiled at her. “Can you guess what it is?”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, I don’t know; does it involve crushing bones?”

“Well, yeah, but the cool part is how they break the bones.”

“Oh, do tell,” she muttered, still distracted by thoughts of blisters and bathrooms.

Undeterred by her sarcasm, he went on explaining. “Okay. Well, first, they stalk their prey using a heightened sense of smell. Then, at precisely the right moment, they jump from the mountain wall,” he said, nodding to his right, “and knock the animals over the edge…Crazy, right?”

“Yeah, really crazy,” his wife replied with a feigned look of excitement. “Then what? They go down and eat them?”

“Guess so…”

“Sounds like a bad way to die.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to go like that…”

“And these things are real?” she asked.

“Yup. There’s a bunch of information about them online. The thing is, they don’t really bother humans, so the rangers and trail guides tend not to mention them. No reason to spook the tourists.”

“Well, I’m not worried,” she said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “My big strong protector.”

He snorted. “And don’t forget provider.”  

“How could I ever forget that?” she cooed. “When you remind me of it daily.”

They kept walking. The path narrowed. The mountain grew steeper.

“But I truly am glad you’re informed,” she jested. “Because now I know what I’ll tell the police after you go missing.”

Her husband glanced over, but before he realized what was going on, his wife of only three weeks had given him a shove and stood watching as his writhing body floated gracefully down into the ravine.